The Woman Inside of Me

There is a woman inside of me,

but who could she be?

I don’t really know who is me.

I don’t really know who I am or what I believe.

They said to journal, so I am.

I am starting to write this in hopes of finding her.

Who is “her”?

Who is this woman I am seeking?

What is she like?

What does she do?

Will I ever find out?

Will you?

Who is this woman?

I used to hear her screaming—

it was more like a cry,

a cry to be known,

but I don’t know why.

Why does this woman want to come out?

What is out here? There is so much pain about.

It’s safe inside, so why keep complaining?

I think she finally got it, because now I hear nothing.

I used to feel her sometimes, but now she’s so far away.

I suppressed her in my pain.

I don’t want her to be hurt too.

If she was, what would I do?

What do you do when your heart is aching,

when it feels like it’s breaking?

Why do we have heartbreak?

What good is it to feel the ache?

If my heart breaks,

what do I have left?

I must not risk it—it’s much too scary.

It’s better to stay in there, like I told her already.

If I keep her hidden, then she will be safe.

No one can harm her, and she can’t break.

Because what good comes from breaking?

Breaking hurts—it’s painful.

Like a shell splitting into two,

my heart would surely do.

Why should I let my heart break?

What if I make too many mistakes?

If I keep it perfect, then nothing can go wrong.

Nothing can hurt me—not for long.

I’ll push it away and hide,

and just cover it all up with pride.

I may have stopped my heart from breaking,

but why do I still feel so lost?

I lost the woman inside of me.

I miss the girl I used to be. I miss feeling so free.

I miss the feeling of doing something for me,

and not being left feeling so guilty.

I feel guilty to be me.

I feel guilty to be free.

Was this worth it—all to not feel my heart break?

What is worse? I am scared to even think.

But I must not look back now—it’s too late.

I have to trust in fate.

Stop looking back, and stop thinking!

My mind keeps running, worrying about my heart breaking.

It races, and the thoughts keep pouring in.

I try to stop it—it’s overwhelming.

I am so busy worrying about breaking,

I forget to keep on breathing.

I forget to live life.

I forget there is more than worries of breaking.

Hush now, brain—be still now and see…

The world is beautiful, and it’s yours for the taking.

Stop thinking and stop your worry.

Don’t you know the best things in life include the breaking?

Breaking is painful—that is true,

but if you don’t go through it, you won’t ever find you.

You will never know that woman inside of you.

You will never know how to be true.

You will never know the fullness of life,

so stop running and fighting.

It’s okay to open up. It’s okay to be still.

You don’t need to be perfect—just be you, if you will.

Just be you, and then you can see

this beautiful woman inside of me.

There is a woman inside of me.

It’s time I set her free.

Come out now—don’t be shy.

You may be scared, but so am I.

I don’t know what it’s like to be me.

I can’t remember what it’s like to feel free.

It’s time we find out now—we will do it together.

Take a deep breath… one, two, three.

Now come out—it’s just you and me.

I can’t promise I can stop your heart from breaking,

but this life is yours for the taking.