Afterbirth

 The loneliness,

her empty womb.

Still bleeding,

Still in pain.

She will never be the same.

She doesn't yet understand what has happened.

She is still trying to figure it out.

She is too tired to hear Her calling.

Too consumed to be guided.

Full of fear and joy

at the same time.

She can't yet comprehend.

Can't comprehend

what it means to be a mother.

Her blistered nipples,

her cramping tummy.

She wasn't ready for this.

Her baby finally fast asleep

against her chest.

Too afraid to move,

she can barely breathe.

The dishes piling up.

Her hair a matted mess.

But she smiles and says,

"I'm good."

Her friends are out at a party.

Her fiancé is away.

It's just her,

rocking away.

She takes a deep breath,

holding back the tears,

and sends a filtered photo,

hiding her fear.

"Who am I now?"

She can't yet see.

Her daughter wasn't the only one

born that day.

With every birth comes a death.

A death to the woman

she once was.

She gave birth to two that day...

Her daughter

and her.

Who this new her will be,

she doesn't yet know.

She does not know

she will spend the next decade

trying to find her.

She will spend those years

feeling so lost.

When she looks in the mirror,

she won't even recognize herself.

She will be too busy to hear...

To hear Her

calling to her.

Until one day,

as she is crying on her knees,

she will finally hear something.

She will hear a whisper,

so soft and faint...

It will call to her

to find Her.

She is buried within,

in her womb.

The place where it all began...

The place that carried her children.

That place

that once carried pain.

One day,

as she cries,

she will hear Her.

Her heart will finally

follow Her voice.

She will guide her.

She will bring her

to Her...

The one who has been calling.

The one who has been there

all along.

The one who has been waiting patiently

for all these years.

As she listens,

she will find more...

She will finally see.

She will see Her...

the Real Her.

The woman beyond space and time.

The woman she has been all along

but has been too busy to see.

She will collapse into her,

weeping like she has never wept before.

Because finally...

She is home.